A few days ago I mentioned in a post that my dog had a lisp and that I clearly heard her speaking voice if she could talk. What I didn’t go into were the many amazing things she told me with that voice. (As you read this revelation, you must try to imagine the complete and unequivocal sincerity on my face.)
One of her gems of knowledge and wisdom was the revelation of the Interdimensional Cupboard of Thtuff. Some privileged dog owners and all dogs know about the ICTh. Only dogs are able to perceive and access it though.
The ICTh is the place where dogs find apparently random things to chew. Most dog people will have looked up at some point to see the dog chewing on something that has not been seen for years, be it a legitimately chewable item or a shoe you thought was lost. The explanation is quite simple. These things were either accidentally or, in the case of especially mischievous dogs, deliberately left in the ICTh.
Now announcements are soon to be made about developments in the search for the Higgs Bosun and only because of that pending information can I reveal to you that the Large Hadron Collider is in truth an attempt to recreate the ICTh. What worries me is that if they are completely successful with this replica, the world may become suddenly buried in lost shoes, old tennis balls and sponges that went missing mysteriously from the bathroom one day while you were out. Hopefully the sheer cost of such experiments will mean the noble dog retains its guardianship of the ICTh and its further secrets.
Ask yourself, now that you know this, why Bosun might be such a popular name amongst dogs. Moreover ask your dog about the ICTh and watch his/her face. Try if you can to hear what their voice if they could talk is saying. If you don’t have a dog or never tried to hear your dogs voice if he/she could talk, think of the mind-blowing revelations you’re missing out on. I’m most honoured to have been trusted to impart this knowledge at the appropriate time.
Dogs know. Treat them always with the respect they deserve.
(That last sentence is the only one to which you need pay attention.)